Three Blokes and a Chick Watch: From Russia With Love
Well shit. It had to happen eventually, didn’t it? We’ve found a Bond film that I can never remember jack about, and that’s because not only is it pretty damn good, but it’s also probably the only Bond film with no gimmick other than being a straight up old-fashioned spy thriller. There aren’t any wacky henchmen, plots for global domination or very specific outlandish gadgets. In fact, you could argue that this is why nobody likes the Daniel Craig films. Funny how that works, isn’t it?
All three blokes were on hand this week, and the chick managed to stay mostly awake through the film. Be warned, this recap is from Russia with spoilers (strangled the bollocks off of that joke to get it in, didn’t I?).
What’s the film about?
SPECTRE, the international global terrorism conglomerate (PLC) plan to steal a Russian coding machine to sell on to the highest bidder. Ingeniously, their plan involves getting a British agent to steal it for them. The one flaw in the plan? That agent happens to be Bond, the one-man shagging machine who isn’t particularly good at being a spy. What follows is one man clumsily stumbling his way through a mission with complete luck. It’s 1963, and everything is very old school. Oh, and since Will decided to point it out, this film doesn’t really ever feature Russia as most of it is set in Turkey. I guess “From Turkey with Love” doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.
Who are the characters?
- James Bond: Connery’s in his prime here, and yet doesn’t exude the confidence he’d gain in Goldfinger. It’s a solid performance, which unfortunately doesn’t leave a lot of room for laughs. This is going to be a short recap, huh?
- Tatiana Romanova: the Russian bird for Bond to ogle. Not as incompetent as some of the other Bond girls.
- Red Grant: A much better secret agent than Bond, Red will spend the film being the real star of the show. In fact, if it wasn’t for his own greed, this film could’ve easily ended with the words “Red Grant will return in…”. Big blonde motherf*cker who set the precedent for future muscular Bond villains.
- Rosa Klebb: creepy ex-SMERSH agent who heavily hints that she wants to bang all the hot chicks (or do “the scissors”, or whatever the vernacular is).
- Kerim Bay: Bond’s contact in Turkey, he’ll be spending the entirety of this film being Topol before Topol was Topol.
So what happens?
Bond’s skulking around a large garden at night decked out in full tuxedo. He seems fairly confused to be there. He’s being stalked by a big blonde man called Donald “Red” Grant who knows that to be a proper spy you shouldn’t wear a dinner suit, but all black clothing instead. All I remember is that the PS2 video game remake opened with this scene and it had a lot more shooting random henchmen in it. Who said that video games are immature? I think it captured the moody, tense nuance of this sequence perfectly.
I especially like the way Red Grant keeps popping up and chuckling like some sort of overgrown gremlin.
Bond lets off a panic shot, giving away his position. He’s easily outclassed by Grant, who pulls a length of cheese-wire from his watch (because they wouldn’t get around to equipping watches with laser cutters for another four decades) and garrottes Bond to death. Huh. Short film. Credits roll.
Oh no, wait, all the lights come on on the big house behind them and a bald man (who would go on to play ever-present not-quite-villain General Gogol in the Moore era) approaches, praising the blonde man for his time. In a shtick Mission Impossible (the film, not the TV series) would later steal and flog to death, the bald man reveals that Bond was *GASP* actually a man wearing a convincing latex Bond mask! What a tweest! Wait. Hold the f*ck up.
- Apparently this organisation believes that training against clearly ill-prepared men wearing Bond masks is good training for facing Bond just because they look like him. I could put on an Arnold Schwarzenegger mask, but I’m not about to gun down an entire army (I can just about manage a fairly good “GET TO DA CHOPPPPAAA” though).
- This organisation has invented convincing latex masks. Why don’t they have some guy just impersonate Bond and have him kill a shitload of foreign agents or diplomats to incriminate him? Just saying, it would be a lot more low risk than the actual plot they come up with.
- How did they know to turn the lights on? They were at least fifty feet away in the dark wearing dark clothing, and the second not-Bond dies the lights come on. Just saying, no obvious reason how they’d know Grant had finished.
- Oh dear, I’m only three minutes in. This gets better, right?
The film fades into a trippy pre-credits sequence. Hey, you know that memorable theme Matt Monroe sang, the famous title tune that features “From Russia with Love” as its main lyrics? Screw you, that’s not in the pre-credits sequence. Instead, there’s a bombastic orchestral instrumental version of the song while credits are projected on to actual bare naked thighs.
Venice! Or at least, two seconds of establishing shot featuring gondolas. Could be a river in Prague, for all I know. We fade into a chess tournament, and my god is this thrilling stuff. Actually, I take that back! This was back in the days where people could make films and expect the audience to have an attention span longer than thirty seconds! I’m glad we open on a chess tournament, it’s very 1960’s. If they remade this sequence today, they’d probably be playing electronic chess or 3D chess, or Command and Conquer. Also, one of the players is smoking a cigarette. Indoors. Christ, that just looks cool by virtue of the fact that nobody is allowed to do that any more.
Anyway, a man with deep set eyes in kicking some older guy’s arse at chess, and they look like they’re about fifteen moves in. The younger man puts the older player in check, much to the crowd’s murmuring appreciation.
A waiter delivers a drink to the younger man and pauses for just long enough for the man to assume to drink the water while looking at the drinks mat. Holy sh*t, this is actually some pretty good practical spy thriller stuff. If someone did this in a film today, we’d call it “gritty”. The message on the coaster says he’s required at once and has the stamp of an octopus on it. The younger man makes a move with his queen and the older guy knocks his own king over, defeated. They shake hands and the younger man leaves in haste, not even pausing for the cameras or to shake hands with fans. End of scene. Nothing explodes, there’s no puns, we just have a sequence of events not clawing for the audience’s attention. I can’t remember the last time a film assumed I’m a grown up.
Cut to a large luxury boat out in a harbour. Inside, the younger man is escorted by armed guards. Random jump cut to an older woman being shown some fighting fish by a man sitting in a chair, his face obscured; however, we see he strokes a white cat and wears an octopus ring on his hand. It’s Blofeld, recurring villain of the Connery era, presumably before he lost all his hair and gained a scar (also his voice is a lot deeper here and he sounds like someone doing an impression of an older Sean Connery, no joke). Blofeld remarks that occasionally one fighting fish will let the others fight it out before swooping in to kill the victor.
The chess master walks in, and Blofeld reveals his name to be Cronstine, Number 5 in the organisation that Blofeld calls “SPECTRE”. The older lady is Number 3, who we’ll learn shortly is Rosa Klebb. Cronstine plans to get a Russian girl in Turkey to convince MI6 to steal the LEKTOR, a Russian encrypting machine with intentions to steal it from the British. For Your Eyes Only (ergh) would go on to rehash this plot, only with Russians trying to steal a British coding machine. Cronstine is somehow definitely sure that MI6 will choose Bond for the mission, and SPECTRE are a little bit pissed with Bond as he’d only just recently offed Dr. No, another of their agents.
Cut to Red Grant tanning himself on the lawn near the massive house from earlier. A woman strips off and begins massaging him. A helicopter lands nearby and the bald man from earlier greets Rosa Klebb as she disembarks. They take a shortcut through a target range and we see dudes firing machine guns, crossbows, pistols and one guy firing a flamethrower at other agents running past as part of their own training (and I though P.E. was bad!). There’s also the obligatory pair of dudes in judo uniforms karate chopping lengths of wood.
When they find Grant he’s in the middle of getting a sweet tan. They call him over and, surreptitiously donning a set of brass knuckle-dusters, Klebb smacks him in the stomach. He doesn’t so much as flinch. Klebb storms off, content. Presumably once she’s out of earshot Grant checks with his colleague that she’s gone and then doubles up in the foetal position on the floor.
We don’t get to see that, though, as the scene fades to the Russian consulate in Turkey. Three Russian women leaving the building converse in Russian (without subtitles, because we don’t need to be babysat goddammit!) and actually end their conversation with “das verdanya”. The blonde of the three heads off to a building by her lonesome, where she’s watched by Grant and greeted by Klebb in full Russian uniform. Despite her defection to SPECTRE, most of Russia’s operatives are unaware of her betrayal. The blonde introduces herself as Tatiana Romonova, which couldn’t be a more Russian name unless the middle part was “Dmitri Ivanovich”.
Klebb insists that Tatiana takes off her jacket and spins on the spot for her, before calling her a “fine looking girl”. It’s not funny, it’s downright creepy. After asking her about her three lovers, Klebb gets a bit closer and tells her that she’s been selected for a seduction mission.
Klebb feeds her a pack of lies and emphasises that she’ll be shot if she steps out of line by smacking her chair with her whip (oh god, that’s a layer of sexual subtext I didn’t ever need to consider, thanks).
Seventeen minutes in and Bond enters the scene (it’s okay though, we’ve been setting the plot and it’s been genuinely interesting!), accompanied by Matt Monroe’s proper theme music playing on a radio on a passing river boat. Bond has given up punting down the river and is lying in his riverboat with Sylvia Trench, one of the only Bond girls to appear twice in the series. His snogging session is interrupted by a beeper in his jacket, and he heads off to his car (the Bentley he misses so much in Goldfinger) to “make a phone call”. He’s actually got a car phone and Moneypenny explains that M wants him. Bond says he’ll be there in an hour and a half and puts the roof of his car up, presumably for a quick shag before work.
He enters the office by opening the door and throwing his hat on to the hat-stand. He’s about to boast to Moneypenny, but when he pulls the door back he realises that he’s face-to-face with M and that he’s actually quite late.
M explains that Tatiana the cipher clerk has apparently fell in love with a picture of Bond that she came across. Both Bond and M think it’s blatantly a trap, but apparently the 1960’s government really is that predictable as Cronstine manages to deduce that a) they know it’s a trap and b) well f*ck, even if it is a trap we really want that Russian encryption machine and the CIA would give us unlimited fellatio if we had one. M’s already booked Bond’s arse a flight out to Instabul (not Constantinople) regardless, and invites Major Boothroyd to enter the room over his intercomm.
Who’s Major Boothroyd? Why, it’s Q! He doesn’t even acknowledge Bond and just gets down to business (obviously hasn’t had long enough to develop a healthy distaste for the man yet!). He gives Bond the most cutting edge gadget 1963 had to offer…an attaché case! It contains hidden ammunition, hidden throwing knives, a folding sniper rifle (with laser sight!), hidden money (50 gold sovereigns) and, because even in his first appearance Q can’t resist blowing stuff up, a mechanism that sets off a tin of tear gas disguised as talcum power depending on how the case is opened. Q even makes him demonstrate that he can open the case without it blowing up, because Bond doesn’t quite know bloody everything at this point. It’s quite charming.
Bond flirts with Moneypenny (who’s actually young enough to warrant this behaviour at this point) and signs the photo M gave him of Tatiana “From Russia with Love”.
Arriving in Turkey via plane, Bond is greeted at the airport by a man claiming to have been sent by Kerim Bay, MI6’s contact in Turkey. Bond’s confirms this with some spy phrases, which goes as follows:
Bond: Can I borrow a match?
Man: I use a lighter.
Bond: That’s better still.
Man: Until they go wrong.
Bond: Exactly.
As spy pass-phrases go, the guy could’ve just been commenting that he uses a lighter and that they go wrong. I wouldn’t trust the security of this setup! It’s hardly “the owl passes regularly in the dawn light”, is it? As they head out to the car, we see there are two people following them: a not-so-subtle man who looks like Groucho Marx, and Red Grant. Grant observes Groucho get in a car to follow Bond, and even Bond notices the tail after about half an hour. The driver dismisses it as some Bulgarians being employed by the Russians who tail them regularly. They park and head through a market into a restaurant, through the back to Kerim Bay’s shag pad.
Kerim really is the Topol of this film, being a calm, collected chap with a kickarse moustache. He reveals that the chauffeur is his son, and the waiter taking their order for coffee is also his son (a bit hard to tell which of his two sons he hates more!). Even Kerim thinks the entire LEKTOR business is a massive trap, but hey we want that Russian coding machine so what the hell.
As Bond is driven away to his hotel, Groucho notices that the car following them is being driven by Red Grant, who’s tied up the real driver.
In fact I’m going to start tallying Red, because he’s a much better spy than Bond and kicks arse. Let’s give him one for strangling the random dude in the opening, another for taking knuckle dusters to the stomach, and one for nonchalantly slipping on some driving gloves while performing grand theft auto.
Red Grant kicks arse moments: 3.
We’re treated to the iconic 007 theme as Bond is taken up to his room in the hotel, because the Bond films hadn’t realised to save the theme for awesome moments at this point in time. Bond actually checks his room for bugs and cameras, and this’ll be the last time he does it this thoroughly for…well, forever. I don’t think there’s any other Bond film where he searches quite as thoroughly as he does here. It pays off as he finds a bug behind a painting and another stashed inside his phone. He calls down to reception to move rooms and ends up with the bridal suite.
Meanwhile, Grant parks his car outside the Russian consulate, gets out, walks five metres and gets into another car that drives away. The guard on the consulate’s gate goes to check the car and finds a body in the back. Man, does that Grant fellow have balls!
Red Grant kicks arse moments: 4.
In the car Klebb says the Russians will blame the British. Grant just closes his eyes as he looks bored and simultaneously as if he’s considering murdering the old bitch.
Fade to an establishing shot of Turkey and then fade in on some fairly sizeable cleavage facing us on the bed (I’d show a photo but I’m not trying to grow that sort of readership!). It’s Kerim’s latest bird, who’s calling for his attention but he’s busy looking through some paperwork. He gives up and preps to get it on when the building is suddenly rocked by an explosion (I’m glad, Kerim’s cool but I don’t want to see him doing the dirty, ta very much).
Later, Bond appears and Kerim explains that it was a limpet mine that would’ve killed him if he hadn’t “been relaxing away from his desk” (should have put it in his bed!). They decide to see if Bond’s visit is the cause for the sudden break in the truce between Kerim and the Russians, which involves ducking into a massive sewer and rowing a boat for several feet or so. It’s very atmospheric and interesting to watch, and yet I can’t help but wonder what it would be like if they replaced the quiet intrigue with one massive shootout?
Oh. That’s terrible.
It turns out that Kerim’s got a periscope that goes right up into the main office of the consulate. There’s no sound, but they can see someone getting chewed out. They identify the man getting yelled at as Krilencu, an old rival of Kerim’s, and Bond gets to perv on Tatiana’s legs as she enters the room. Kerim decides to take Bond out for some fun, which means going to a gypsy encampment. Bring on the moonshine, dancing and hedgehog goulash! Unfortunately, Krilencu has also sent a load of men to the encampment to take out Kerim.
Bond settles down to watch some belly dancing and two gypsy birds fight to the death, all the while blending in by being the only man in a suit present (to be fair, Kerim’s dressed in one too and Bond isn’t exactly trying to keep a low profile at this moment). A good night is had by all, as Krilencu begins rolling his men into the area. From behind a wheelbarrow Red Grant broods while stroking his gun.
Unfortunately, the 15 minutes of titillating belly dancing and cat-fighting is cut short as Krilencu’s army wagon rolls through the gate and his men open fire. In the fire-fight Kerim is injured (a convincing moment where the actor, Pedro Armendáriz, rubs a red sponge into his arm to to feign being shot) and Bond spends pretty much the entire scene indiscriminately cutting down tents and pushing wagons on to gypsies and assassins. At one point he pauses just to tip over a bench into the lake, spilling the gypsy and the assassin grappling on top of it into the lake just because he’s a massive dick.
Grant watches over Bond from a niche in the wall, and shoots a man who would’ve outright stabbed Bond in the back of the head. Bond can only watch on in confusion as his assailant is finished off from afar by a second shot from Grant.
Red Grant kicks arse moments: 5.
Krilencu mounts a retreat, because if Snatch taught us anything it’s that you don’t mess with gypsies. For saving the gypsy king’s life, the king makes Bond his son and tasks him with deciding which of the two cat-fighting women should get to be with the man they love. This turns out to mean that both girls are led to Bond’s guest tent and he gets to shag both of them! The next day both girls don’t seem too worried about the man they were fighting over, and it’s not surprising given that Sean Connery apparently has to use both hands when going to a urinal (I’ve tried finding a clip of Jonathan Ross telling this anecdote to no avail, and even worse my search history now features “jonathan ross met sean connery in a toilet” and “sean connery urinal” as search terms).
That night, Bond and Kerim stake out the building Krilencu is hiding in. Bond’s brought his sniper rifle and an infra-red lens, and Kerim sends two of his sons dressed as policemen to ring Krilencu’s doorbell. Krilencu tries escaping through the hatch in a billboard on the side of the building, and Kerim offs him with a single shot.
Back in his hotel room, Bond hears someone creeping about and finds Tatiana getting into his bed. They eye each other up and then there’s the following exchange:
Bond: You’re one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen.
Tatiana: Thank you, but I think my mouth is too big.
Bond: No, it’s the right size. For me, that is.
…I don’t really want to go there or touch that one, given the implication we’ve covered that Connery Bond’s almighty shlong probably takes two hands to hold. Being subtle, Bond asks where the decoder is while snogging her (smooth!). They get down to business, while behind the mirror above them an entire film crew captures the moment for posterity.
The next day Groucho follows Tatiana (who I’ll be calling “Tanya” from now on for the sake of brevity), who’s going to meet Bond (who’s disguised himself as a tourist by cleverly wearing dark sunglasses while indoors) at a mosque. Bond pegs Groucho and, not being fond of his fast-talking witty remarks, goes to stick him up. He’s beaten to it by Grant, who judo slaps Groucho in the throat as the iconic comedian goes to grab the small gold item that Tanya had left out for Bond, killing him outright. Grant slinks off before Bond sees him, leaving England’s greatest secret agent to be befuddled once again.
Red Grant kicks arse moments: 6.
Bond retrieves the gold locket from Groucho’s palm and finds a rough map of the consulate sketched out on paper inside it. With the plans, Bond compares notes with Kerim using the blueprints he’s acquired and they seem legit.
I’m going to try and summarise what happens next from here on as, being a really good spy thriller, there’s not much to poke fun at! Bond sends a tape recording of Tanya describing the LEKTOR machine back to MI6. M gives the go-ahead and Bond enacts his grand master scheme to get inside the Russian consulate by walking straight through the front door, claiming to want a visa. Kerim sets off some explosives underground to cause a distraction and in the confusion Bond grabs the LEKTOR and Tanya. The two escape through the new door Kerim has made for them, avoiding a horde of fleeing rats in the process (as Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade taught us, Sean Connery hates rats). Kerim leads them out into a market and to the station, where they get on the first train leaving. One of the Russian security men pursues them on to the train, and there, leaning out of the window as casually as f*ck, is Red Grant.
Red Grant kicks arse moments: 7.
Kerim gives Bond and Tanya some fake passports, and arranges with the conductor to stop the train near the border. Kerim and Bond then go tie up the security man who followed them, and Kerim decides to keep a watch on him while Bond returns to Tanya. All the while Grant stalks menacingly through the train. At some point Bond presumably shags Tanya again as they appear after a fade and she’s smoking a cigarette while they’re laid out on the train car’s seat together. Bond even manages a nice 1960s gesture of slapping her on the arse as they prep to meet Kerim in the restaurant car.
Random note: it’s nice to see shots of a steam train as I used to love trains as a kid and, despite being horrible for the environment, it’s a shame we don’t see steam trains that much any more.
The conductor delivers some bad news that Kerim’s been killed, as has the Russian security man. In fact it looks like they killed each other. It’s clearly the work of Red Grant, so this means I’m going to have to deduct a point. Sorry, Red, killing Topol-before-Topol is not cool. In fact I’m not really sure why both men had to die at all, you could’ve probably just jumped Bond while he was having hanky-panky with Tanya.
Red Grant kicks arse moments: 6.
Either way, the train doesn’t stop at the border and Bond misses his rendezvous with Kerim’s lads. Annoyed, Bond interrogates Tanya using his pimp hand. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have the foggiest as to what’s going on. Bond disembarks at the next station to get some fresh air.
Red Grant kicks arse moments: 7.
One of Kerim’s lads greets Bond with that whole “can I borrow a match” line and Bond delivers the bad news. Bond arranges a new pick-up point up ahead and gives the boy Kerim’s possessions. Red’s heard the entire thing from the train.
At the next stop, Zagreb, Grant makes his move by approaching Bond’s contact before Bond can, and we can tell the contact’s going to have a rough time because Grant takes a moment to slip on his killing gloves as they walk together.
Red Grant kicks arse moments: 8.
Grant takes the contact’s place. Bond recognises the Q Branch attaché case and Grant doesn’t even bother feeding him the “can I borrow a match” line, instead gesturing to his cigarette case. Bond half-heartedly shows his lighter and the two get on the train. Damn it, now I can see why it’s so important to actually say these pass-phrases out loud!
Grant introduces himself as “Captain Nash” with an over-the-top posh British accent. Grant gets Bond back to his room on the train. Suspicious (or jealous) of the incredibly toned man with the chiselled features, he sends Grant on through to grab some food with Tanya in the restaurant car while he rummages through Grant’s case. As it was stolen from the real Captain Nash Bond doesn’t find anything amiss. Tanya doesn’t say a word over dinner as she’s already pegged Grant as a bad ‘un, and yet doesn’t resist when he knocks over her drink, pours another one and slips her a Mickey. She chugs it down. Unfortunately, despite being a very smooth bit of deception on Grant’s part, I can’t bring myself to give him a point for slipping a woman a date-rape pill.
Random note: Incidentally, Coheed and Cambria have just released a fantastic new album and one of the songs on there is about some fiend trying to slip a woman a rufi, it might not be your sort of thing but it’s a cracking album! If ever we needed an anthem for date-rape – which we didn’t – this would be it.
Back in their train car, Tanya comes over faint. Grant goes to make his move on Bond after she’s asleep on the car’s sofa, realising that Bond pegged his move with the rufi (hey, takes a rapist to catch a rapist, right? Although I suppose Bond doesn’t actually forcefully shag a lady until the next film). Bond’s quick to point a gun a Grant, but Grant talks him down and claims to need to go for a map (stupid move, Bond!). While Grant’s showing Bond his escape route on the map, he slips a gun out of his sock and clocks 007 over the head. I’d give a point, but apparently he actually told him his real escape route (stupid move, Grant!).
Grant takes Bond’s gun, cigarettes and money and allows him to stand up as he comes around. I’m not going to describe every detail because it’s an iconic scene that has to be seen, and all it consists of is two guys talking, one at gunpoint. It’s a back-and-forth where Bond works out what’s been going on, and it all comes to appealing to Grant’s greed. Needless to say, Q’s attaché case really is Bond’s saviour. Go watch the film to find out what happens!
It all ends with a really tense fight in the confines of the train car, if that helps sway you to seek it out yourself! Daniel Craig doesn’t have shit on this.
Hey, when was the last time we had a train related fight in a Bond film? Oh right, it was Moore’s Bond easily dispatching Jaws in The Spy Who Loved Me. Ho hum!
Random note: Something me and the blokes noticed – if it wasn’t for Grant, Bond would’ve been killed at least about three times. He gets lucky and overcomes Grant, and then goes back to England to fame and acclaim. The praise goes to his head, and you know what happens next? He gets complacent, doesn’t even try that hard and instead just gets to raping a woman. Not cool, Grant. This was all your fault!
Bond wakes Tanya up and drags her to Grant’s escape route: a van full of flowers blocks the train and they leap off the train as it slows down and commandeer it.
The next day they’re pursued by a helicopter, which tries to blow the truck up with grenades. Bond parks the truck and, in a scene very reminiscent of the iconic plane scene from North By Northwest (which came out four years before this film, by the way), he heads out alone against the helicopter. Diving for his life and rolling out of the way, it looks like he’s outmatched. Resting in the nook of a hill, he loads his sniper rifle and shoots one of the helicopter passengers in the shoulder as they’re prepping a grenade. It’s awesome.
Hey, you remember the last time we had a helicopter related fight scene in a Bond film? It was Roger Moore dropping some bald bloke in a wheelchair down a smoke stack. Doesn’t measure up, does it?1
They board Grant’s escape boat when they get to water and head to Venice.
Meanwhile, Blofeld has Cronstine and Klebb before him, because their plan’s gone tits up and some motherf*cker’s going to die. Cronstine manages to utter possibly the smuggest, stupidest thing ever said in a Bond film.
Cronstine: Who is Bond, compared with Cronstine?
Well, he’s not some arsehole who thinks that being good at chess makes you a good planner, that’s for sure. Blofeld has not-General Gogol stab him in the shin with a poisoned knife that emerges from the end of his shoe (hey, Wild Wild West stole that bit too! That’s twice in a row, now!). Blofeld’s promised to return the coder to the Russians. Klebb is given final orders to retrieve the device.
It isn’t long before a fleet of boats appear to apprehend Bond and Tanya. After a boat chase (oh Christ, another one? And this one’s even billed on the back of the box!). A clumsy henchman shoots all the fuel tanks on Bond’s boat, so Bond ejects them into the water. With only a flare gun to hand, Bond sets all the boats on the water alight. It’s awesome.
Hey, you remember the last time we had a boat chase related scene in a Bond film? How about every bloody Roger Moore film? The more I see this, the more I genuinely begin to detest Moore’s Bond!
Bond and Tanya reach Venice. In their hotel room, Klebb appears disguised as a maid and tries to kill Bond using a knife-shoe in one of the most pathetic assassination attempts ever (I mean honestly, who uses a shoe?).
Actually, I’m mostly intrigued by how Klebb’s shoe ended up in MI6’s “archives” in Die Another Day. Did Bond take the shoe with him? I can’t imagine MI6 sending out men to Venice just to retrieve a shoe!
Tanya shoots Klebb. Matt Monroe’s cool theme tune kicks in as the two take a gondola through Venice. Bond ditches the porno he retrieved from Grant into the water. Credits roll.
So how is the film overall?
Brilliant. In fact I’d say it’s good because it barely qualifies as a Bond film. Oh sure, there’s a few of the trademarks there (the bad puns when he kills someone, for instance), but this is Bond before the Bond formula became a thing. It’s a spy thriller first, Bond film second. Starting this recap, I couldn’t remember much of From Russia with Love (mostly because the night the blokes and the chick came around I was tanked) but now it’s one of my favourite Bond films.
I genuinely recommend it, but if you go in expecting action every minute you’ll be disappointed. I suspect this film never ranked on my personal list of Bond films because when I was younger I was more impatient, but now I’m happy to sit back and take in a slice of cold war pie (that’s a pie that’s not only cold but half red and half stars and stripes). I genuinely recommend this film, and I suspect the two blokes will agree with me.
As for the chick, I lied at the beginning. She spent most of the film mostly asleep. Can’t please everyone, I suppose!
P.S. It’s a shame we’ll never get to see that spin-off film: “Red Grant, Agent of SPECTRE”.
- Actually there was one in Tomorrow Never Dies too, but that film’s cool so I’m not going to mention it. Selective arguments for the win! ↩
Post by Sean Patrick Payne+ | October 14, 2012 at 12:39 am | Films, James Bond, Three Blokes and a Chick Watch | No comment
Tags: 007, From Russia with Love, James Bond, movie recap, movie review, Red Grant, Sean Connery