Manchild at Play, a.k.a Stuff You Can Steal From My House When You Inevitably Break in After Reading This
The other day I finally managed to cross off one of the things on my (admittedly rather limited and lacking in scope) list of things I’ve always wanted to do (aside from buy a plastic figure of Dr. Robotnik).
For years I’ve made do with wooden shelves, converted bedside cabinets and just hanging them all on the walls in their boxes, but no more! My toy collection is now proudly displayed in two IKEA cabinets, complete with lighting.
Yes, toys. You can call them “action figures” and “adult collectibles” all you want, but the fact of the matter is that they are just toys. Admittedly most of these have a price tag a bit higher than your average toy and they might not be aimed at the kiddywink demographic1, but when it comes down to it these are bits of plastic shaped like people that you can play with.
Some of this stuff is pretty difficult to get these days, but since none of the figures are NRFB (Never Removed From Box) quality they’re not actually worth much, but I wouldn’t ever want to sell them. I’ve also just retrieved some of this stuff from the dreaded abyss of my parents’ loft space, as previously there was nowhere to put them all and thus some of the collection has been in storage, presumably having civil wars with the LEGO and Playmobil and all kinds of stuff you see in Toy Story when the humans aren’t around.
Here, I present my collection, or at least part of it.
Batman: Arkham Asylum
After I played Batman: Arkham Asylum, I vowed that should they ever release figures based on the game’s character designs, I would buy them all. Aside from being an absolutely fantastic game, the characters were dark but vibrant re-imaginings of the rogue’s gallery (all designed by Carlos D’Anda), giving a new spin on familiar designs.
Although most Batman fans hate massive hulk Joker (the game’s final boss2), it’s a really cool figure. Still a really sucky boss fight, though!
Batman: Arkham City (Villains)
Inevitably, there was a sequel to Arkham Asylum, and that led to DC Direct inevitably making fools like me pay for more awesome figures. The Arkham City figures are across two shelves as there’s so many of them (technically, Titan Joker and Killer Croc were part of this range but I’ve bundled them in with the former game).
A few minor complaints – firstly, Mad Hatter was the same price as all the other figures despite being half the size of them. Secondly, Mr. Freeze cost extra despite being the same size as the others (presumably because he’s a little bit more detailed and comes with a clear plastic visor, which has inevitably cracked just to annoy me. My other half has encouraged me to think of it as “battle damage”, which does little to sate my OCD).
Joker in the middle has a little bit of a story – he’s actually one of a 4000 limited edition release from New York Comic Con 2011, and I went to some expense to have him imported just so I could get the satisfaction of removing the figure from its box (I didn’t do the same with San Diego Comic Con 2010’s exclusive “Battle Damaged Batman”). Her Majesty’s customs also hit me for an import fee. The chair and table didn’t come with the figure – I noticed a lot of collectors mysteriously had the same chair for their sickened Joker figures, because it looks like the one from the first Arkham City teaser trailer and after some investigation I found that the chair belonged to a 2003 figure of Morpheus from the Matrix. I tracked down a mint boxed Morpheus figure and bought it just for the chair3. With the import price, customs and the accessories, this figure is one of the most expensive ones in my collection (more expensive than Titan Joker!).
Batman: Arkham City (Heroes)
I read a comment online somewhere that DC Direct are legally obliged to have a Batman figure with every series of Arkham City figures that get released. I think the commenter might have been taking the Mickey, but I wouldn’t honestly be surprised. The bat-shelf of bat-men features the four variations of Batman for the four “waves” of bat-figures that have been released for Arkham City. They are, unfortunately, mostly crap – the three in the back lack any detail when compared to the Arkham Asylum Batman (see the first pic). The Batman at the front, most recent at time of writing (until they inevitably release another) gets the limelight as it has a far nicer sculpt, and is the first Batman fig in both Arkham series to have worthwhile poseability. Bruce Wayne is alright as a novelty, the blue one hidden at the back is supposed to be what he looks like when he’s using his “detective vision”, and the one hidden on the right at the back is just a crap version of the Arkham Asylum Batman.
Why buy all these figures if I already have a Batman? Did you not read the line about OCD? Or the one about vowing to buy them all?
The others are all pretty cool, and Catwoman gets a place on this shelf as she’s an “anti-hero”. Frankly, being a playable character in the game qualifies her to be on this shelf. Not sure about Nightwing though, considering his only appearance in the game was via DLC4. He’s also got this creepy hollow chin thing going on that you can never unsee once you know it’s there.
Batman: The Dark Knight
Quite a special shelf (slightly more than the others). One year I asked Sam to just get me “an awesome Joker figure” for Christmas. Expecting something more in the scale of those shown on the shelves above, I was delighted to be handed a shoebox-sized present. Opening it to find Heath Ledger’s Joker inside made it one of the best Christmas presents I’ve ever received. You see, I avidly followed the developments of The Dark Knight from the moment I left the cinema after seeing Batman Begins. I still remember it being ten o’ clock on a weekday when a mate texted me with the news of Heath Ledger’s death, only a few months before the film was released. I sounded like a horrible joke at the time (no, that’s not supposed to be some sort of pun). Regardless, I could see that something special had been captured on screen just from preview pics and teaser trailers.
Seeing the film with friends will always be a treasured memory. Watching the film again will never recapture that first time. I remember distinctly muttering “thank you, Mr. Ledger” under my breath as we get that last chilling shot of Joker hanging from the building and giggling to himself. Bit sappy, I know.
The Batman figure was bought on eBay after a furious bidding war, again Sam came through on this as I was at work at the time when the bidding ended. Having one without the other, Joker without Batman, is a bit like having a cheeseburger without the bun and cheese. Best figures ever5.
Both have certificates of authenticity, because they’re those kinds of figures. The last time I bought a figure this big, I think I was 12 and it was an Action Man.
Metal Gear Solid
Metal Gear Solid is one of my favourite video game series, period. I still occasionally go back and play the first one. When the first MGS came out, it was huge. It was so big that McFarlane toys6 released figures based on the main cast of characters. A lot of these were my first venture into ordering stuff for delivery, as grabbing these figures in game shops proved difficult, particularly Solid Snake (who’s box actually had German writing alongside the English when he arrived, showing how far they’d had to go to import them). Revolver Ocelot, the dapper chap in the coat at the back, was the first one I collected from a game shop in Weston-super-Mare, and he’s still one of my favourites (both the figure and character).
My only complaint is that the lady figures are a bit derpy. Meryl in particular looks like she’s going “duuurrrr” all the time. Snake’s face is a little bit of a travesty too, what with the paint overlapping the bandana, but I’ll get around to fixing that at some point.
Yes, Psycho Mantis’ gas mask does come off. No, it’s not pleasant under there.
Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty
The sequel to Metal Gear Solid was eagerly awaited by all fans: it was to appear on the PS2, the newest console at the time. It looked great (in fact it still does in the HD remakes) and fans were all geared up for another outing with their favourite spy Solid Snake. What they unfortunately got was a story starring some blonde-haired twat called “Raiden”. Although I enjoyed the game vastly, in particular the message about information control the game presented, it’s not one of the better games in the series. Still, without it my 14 year old self wouldn’t have felt half as intellectual and informed – I was a little proto-hipster, quite smug about having played and enjoyed this video game that devoted hours of dialogue to “higher social concepts”. These days, I think the game is a little bit up its own arse and pretentious. A lot like me at age 14, actually.
McFarlane got the licence to do the toys again, and even got their company logo featured on the in-game box item; you could hide inside “a box for the transportation of action figures”. The action figure of Vulcan Raven (see the Metal Gear Solid set above) even appears as an in-game Easter egg, which is a nice touch.
The MGS2 figures are…alright, I suppose. They’re a little bit bland in terms of colour scheme, and a lot of them have flimsy rubbery straps that tend to snap off. The paint jobs are a little bit naff too in some places. Solid Snake’s beard was so badly painted (in fact it looked like he’d smeared shit around his gob) that I actually repainted it, something I loathe to do with figures I’ve bought. It had to be done though!
Other quibbles include the bonus figure, Metal Gear RAY, which tends to fall apart really easily as the pieces only barely slot together. Olga and Raiden tend to fall over a lot and are quite difficult to stand; I’ve currently got Raiden balanced via his swords, and Olga in kneeling as there’s no way to get her standing on her tiny feet as advertised in the advertising images for her figure!
On the whole, pretty cool figures though. Solidus in particular rocks, especially his bendy octo-arms (although he comes with a small booklet explaining how to switch his head with an alternative featuring both eyes, but he doesn’t actually come with an alternative head! D’oh!). I’d have liked to see some more figures in this series, perhaps Vamp and Fatman, maybe even the updated Cyborg Ninja.
Non-Specific Video Game and Film Figures
Why, Non-Specific Video Game and Film Figures is my favourite franchise!
If you hadn’t guessed, this is the “miscellaneous” shelf. Surprise! Despite my OCD, I don’t always collect every figure from a series. Sometimes I like the odd one or two figures from a series, or a figure just takes my fancy. Hence why this shelf is a bit of a mish-mash. A lot of these spend time outside of the confines of a glass case, and I’m sure at some point most of these will be evicted in favour of a new, complete series of figures.
Why is Agent 47 still in his packaging? Mostly because I’ve just never felt like removing him, that’s all. He has lots of small bits and pieces I’d probably lose easily, so why bother taking them out of the packaging?
There’s a Duke Nukem figure hidden behind Ash. This is a little bit appropriate considering most of Duke’s one-liners are stolen from Army of Darkness.
Tekken 3
In all honesty? I forgot I had these. I found them while poking around in the parent’s loft. There was a spare shelf, so they reside on it for the moment. Pretty solid figures, some nice details too.
My main complaint? No Bryan Fury. Damn it all.
That’s it. For now!
That’s my small collection for now, but I have plans to add to it. I might even write one or two blogs on individual figures as I collect them, but I’m not sure yet. Please refrain from trying to break in and steal my stuff, I have installed laser tripwires and reinforced the doors, as well as upgraded the burglar alarm to have a hair trigger! Besides, it’s all been removed from their boxes, so they’re really not worth much now, but it all means the world to me.
We’ve all got our funny little hobbies, right?
Postscript (22/06/2013)
In case you were wondering what happened to the Morpheus figure who had his chair, table and phone unceremoniously stolen by sick Joker…
Oh, and there are some definite advantages to being a manchild…
- Pity me, for I refer to kids as “kiddywinks” and apparently believe there’s a demographic based around this horrendous term. ↩
- SPOILERS! Aww, piss on you if you haven’t played the game, it’s been out ages. ↩
- Morpheus currently lives on my Mother’s side table. I like to think that after ten years of being boxed, he’s just loving the attention. Again, Toy Story is real in my head. ↩
- “DLC” is “DownLoadable Content”, for the ho’s at home. Whatever that means. I sometimes just quote stuff from things I can barely remember. Hudson Hawk? I think it was Richard E. Grant in Hudson Hawk said that. ↩
- Being a really picky sod who’s never happy, Joker does appear to have two right shoes and, most importantly, this figure doesn’t come with his awesome socks. Which is sacrilege, really. ↩
- I’ve always been fond of McFarlane – it’s a toy company that was originally set up by Spawn creator Todd McFarlane primarily so he could get the figures based on Spawn that he wanted made. I swear that McFarlane toys stopped producing stuff for a while and have recently made a comeback (they’ve just swiped the Assassin’s Creed licence off of NECA, and are due to make some Halo figures), but looking at the Wikipedia page reveals that they might have just been doing TV lincence tie-ins for the last five years or so. ↩
Post by Sean Patrick Payne+ | June 1, 2013 at 12:00 pm | Action Figures, Batman, Manchild at Play (Toys), Video Games | 3 comments
Tags: Agent 47, Arkham Asylum, Arkham City, Army of Darkness, Batman, Captain Jack Sparrow, DC Collectibles, Dr. Eggman, Dr. Robotnik, Evil Dead, Hitman, Metal Gear Solid, Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty, Pirates of the Caribbean, Solid Snake, Sonic the Hedgehog, Tekken, the Joker, they're just toys!