SPORE – Part 1: Birth of the One-Eyed Monster | Game for a Blog
Recently I had the massive urge to replay SPORE, mostly because that funny Canadian chap Sips of the Yogscast has been giving it a go and it did look damned fun. I thought I’d chronicle the birth and growth of a species of my own design, just for kicks.
What is Spore?
Spore is the god complexionist’s wet dream. Did you ever think that humanity would have benefited from having a pair of extra arms, or a tail with an eyeball on the end of it, or five orifices of varying size and purpose, or all of the above? Well you can do that. You take the reins of an alien species’ evolutionary cycle, from protoplasm to space-traversing empire.
It was made by the people who brought us The Sims, and it was generally received as a massive disappointment because EA managed to over-hype the hell out of it before release. Having no pre-defined expectations, I thought it was a pleasantly quirky little title that certainly distracted for many hours.
Part of the unique concept of Spore is the idea that most of the creatures you encounter are all pulled randomly from user-submitted creations. Typically, when presented with all the tools required to create all sorts of crazy and imaginative wildlife, most players submitted to their basest instincts by creating massive walking cocks1.
Stuck in the Gene Pool with You
You start off as the smallest fleck of protoplasm in the gene pool.
Your task is to eat your way up the food chain. Whether you want to try eating every other cell in the gene pool or if you want to passively chew on tiny vegetables, it’s up to you. The only problem is that every other cell in the pool has the same goal, and your little critter looks mighty tasty. As far as I’m concerned, goal number one is to streamline the eating process – let’s remove those barriers of choice by eating everything. We want this cell to be the equivalent of Homer Simpson arriving at a doughnut factory following a prolonged forced diet.
The way you evolve your cell is to “mate” with another cell.
The game gives you two mouths – one for herbivore, one for carnivore2. I attach both in some sort of horrible meat-grinder front appendage and dub the thing “Skarfry” (it’s a play on the term “smallfry”). Somehow, completely unintentionally, it still looks like a tiny blue penis with teeth.
The Skarfry proceeds in its mission to consume everything else in the pool. Here’s a selection of lovely images chronicling its extended dinner (click any of the thumbnails to expand):
There’s one downside to the Skarfry: although it can (and will) chew its way enthusiastically through even the toughest of cell tissue, it has the speed and turning circle of your average cruise liner – navigating the waters is a bit like watching the ship beach itself at the end of the (abominable) Speed 2. Another set of tendrils rectifies the speed problem and simultaneously manages to make the Skarfry look like it has crazy mad scientist hair3.
More eating ensues. I had more images but once you’ve seen seven pictures of a cell eating other cells, you’ve seen them all. If you want to see the kind of thing this section consists of, here’s a badly rendered video of the Skarfry in action:
Having honed the Skarfry into the perfect microscopic eating machine, there’s not much left to do in terms of evolving. Over the next few cycles it gains fins to help it turn quicker and a little puckered sphincter to help it fart purple death behind it, like an oil tanker spewing toxic death behind it from a gash in its backside.
Getting its Sea Legs (and Brain)
Eventually the Skarfry gains something terrifying to compliment its formidable (if slightly two-dimensional) talents for mastication; it gains the ability to think. When those synapses first fire into life, there are so many things it could consider: who am I? What is my purpose in life? Where are we in relation to everything else? You know, all the big questions.
With its new-found ability to think, the Skarfry has its first thought…
With the incentive to explore new places and eat new people, the Skarfry grows a pair of legs and embarks for land. It’s quite a spectacle to watch:
The locals4 didn’t know what hit them.
Next time…
We move on from the simple goal of “eating the shit out of everything” and stuff actually happens!
Here’s a few miscellaneous images I couldn’t fit in:
If I’ve peaked your interest and you fancy playing some SPORE, you can grab my creations by going to my Sporepedia page. See a preview of my experiments in physiology in this handy-dandy widget:
Finally, if you feel like making a comment below then please do – it’s always nice to talk! You can login using Facebook, Google+ or Twitter.
- To be fair, not all of the creatures were big walking dongs. Some of the creatures were floating cocks. ↩
- You can unlock a third, an omnivore mouth – this is basically a fleshy straw that your creature uses to suck the juices out of other creatures. It’s actually quite disgusting for a game with such a cute aesthetic. ↩
- Spoilers: this will become a recurring theme. ↩
- You get to name the planet your creature is living on. I went with “Acer Ventura”, because the colour scheme reminded me of Ace Ventura’s extravagant shirts. Also I like Jim Carrey. That’s the real reason if I’m honest. ↩
Post by Sean Patrick Payne+ | September 21, 2013 at 2:35 am | Articles, Video Games | No comment
Tags: EA Games, Maxis, playing god, SPORE