How to Improve the Sainsbury’s Christmas 2014 TV Advert
Disclaimer: before we get started, I’d just like to say that this article is in no way mocking the first world war – a great many people died in that horrible war and taught a lot of people about fighting for what you believe in by sacrificing all they had to give. My modern (fat) arse can’t even begin to comprehend what it must have been like and I, like many, are not too sure about the intentions presented with the Sainsbury’s advert. On the one hand it is good that lots of people are thinking about the first world war as a result of the advert, but on the other hand this is basically a five minute short film that’s been put out to promote a supermarket1. With that thought in mind, on with the article!
A few weeks ago John Lewis dazzled us with a bit of cutesy-wutesy nonsense that I inexplicably thought could use a healthy dose of gay. Sainsbury’s have now jumped in with an even more Christmassy message, via the most cherished act on the planet that everyone enjoys: war!
In case you haven’t seen it, check out the video below.
In short, it’s a recreation of the historically famous football match between the Germans and our Tommies across no man’s land during the Christmas Truce of 1914. The main crux is one of the British lads, Jim, is sent a chocolate bar for Christmas, and while the truce is on he slips it into his new German friend Otto’s coat pocket because “sharing is the meaning of Christmas” (this message brought to you by Sainsbury’s and our nice big orange logo which we’ve stuck there in the middle of the screen to let you know we did this).
Which is nice, but Sainsbury’s have really missed a trick here. I reckon they could have done exactly the same short film, albeit with the sort of humorous twist Jasper Carrot used to give popular TV adverts2. Picture this, lads and ladettes…
It plays out exactly like before, except when both sides start singing “Silent Night” we cut back to the British side and then go one trench over, where we are presented with a familiar (albeit very made up because he’s now a lot older) face that will bring joy to entire generations…
…we find Captain Edmund Blackadder pouring scorn over everything. Typically, Private Baldrick and the Lieutenant George are loving every minute of it (most importantly all three are played by Rowan Atkinson, Tony Robinson and Hugh Laurie, the latter of which doesn’t have a lot on since House finished).
Baldrick: Oh come now sir it’s Christmas Eve!
George: Yes, Blackadder, where’s your Christmas spirit eh?
Blackadder: Well I don’t know about you but I can think of better places to spend Christmas. I feel like I’ve aged decades just being here3.
[Canned laughter]
The advert continues as normal, until the bit where everyone starts climbing over the trenches to greet their counterparts.
George: Well this is a turn up for the books! Let’s go and say hello to old Johnny Foreigner eh?
[Blackadder rolls his eyes.]
Blackadder: Oh go on then. [Muttering to nobody in particular] I guess we can consider this a “trial run” of going over the top. [Sarcastically] Just what I’ve always wanted to do!
Finally, and this is where the pay-off lies, everything plays out as before except, just when we think Jim’s given Otto his chocolate bar, we cut back to the British trench where Jim quietly snaps off a piece of chocolate and pops it in his mouth. Blackadder storms in…
Blackadder: Alright, which one of you bastards has stolen my chocolate bar? Come on! Own up!
George and Baldrick give the wink the Jim, who nods appreciatively.
That would be it, but if miracles could be performed there could even be a slight jab at John Lewis and a nice callback to the Blackadder Goes Forth episode “Corporal Punishment“, one of the best Blackadder episodes ever. Randomly, a penguin walks across the trench and Blackadder immediately decides that the best course of action is to shoot it.
Enter General Melchett, played with exceptional “meehhh”-ness by Stephen Fry.
Melchett: Blackadder, have you seen my pet penguin Monty around?
[Blackadder gives a look to George.]
Blackadder: Well here we go again…
My proposed advert brings back a beloved cast of characters and it would probably lessen the disgust at Sainsbury’s too. You might argue that the Blackadder cast wouldn’t shill out their characters for such an act of crass commercialism, but that’s a load of bollocks as Mr. Bean appeared in a load of Snickers adverts recently (much to my surprise!).
What do you think? A bit too crazy? Let me know by leaving a comment below! You can use Facebook, Twitter or Google+.
- Even if that promotion is “we care about our veterans”, it’s still promotion. One wonders if it would have caused the same reaction if Sainsbury’s had sponsored an independent remembrance advert instead – one not directly tied to their supermarket. ↩
- Seriously, does nobody remember Jasper Carrot?!? ↩
- Meta humour is just the best ↩
Post by Sean Patrick Payne+ | November 22, 2014 at 12:44 pm | Christmas, Vaguely Topical | No comment
Tags: advertisements, Christmas, Sainsbury's, televison, TV